Diaries From a Daughter of Hmong Refugee Parents - Entry 2

Arriving

October 21st, 2024 12:06 p.m. (GMT)

I remember the first day I arrived. Still high on adrenaline. I hadn’t slept for roughly 24 hours. I got off my flight at 10 a.m. and didn’t get to my room until noon. Despite feeling incredibly exhausted, I felt as if I was as if I was reborn. New place. New culture. New people. I was ready.

Once I got into my room, I unpacked my heavy luggage that was mostly full of my technology and recording gear. That was the main reason why I had to pay an extra $100 on top of my flight ticket, costing my nearly $800 dollars for a one-way flight to London. As I unpacked, I saw the lunch my mother packed for me. Boiled chicken and sticky rice wrapped in foil. Two water bottles and a few napkins. All packed in a Food4Less bag. It had been one of the most meaningful meals I’ve ever had before my departure to my new journey. A traditional Hmong send-off meal from the hands of my mother. That night, I couldn’t bring myself to throw away that meal even though it was already reduced to bones and empty balls of foil. I allowed it to stink up my room that night as I cried while embracing it closely to me.

My first night in my dorm room was one of the hardest nights I’ve ever had in my life and I’m not being dramatic. In my family, I am the biggest cry-baby. When I was younger, I would attempt to sleep over at my cousin’s house and I was never successful. I would end up calling my parents in the middle of the night and have them pick me up. Yes, in the middle of the night. Now, I couldn’t do that. I was thousands of miles and oceans away from my family. I called my parents then cried myself to sleep.

The morning after my arrival.

September 13th, 2024 at 6:04 a.m.

I had been awake all night from crying and noticed the sun rising. The view from my bed of my room.

My first three weeks mainly consisted of me experiencing horrible jet lag and trying to get in as much sleep as I possibly can. I couldn’t keep track of time. I’d wake up at 3 p.m. and eat breakfast at 5 p.m. Or I’d stay up until 3 a.m and have dinner at 5 a.m. It was a horrible schedule and I was just too tired to care about what time I woke up and ate. The weather was so different from California. Some days, I couldn’t figure whether I needed a jacket or not. Then, on days I thought I wouldn’t need an umbrella, I would absolutely need it later on that day. People were different too. Everywhere I went, everyone had an unfamiliar accent. I never knew accents would be such a big deal here in the UK. Coming from America, people were fascinated by my accent and my mannerism, especially since I’m a 5’5 Asian girl who looks Chinese. The mannerisms of other students was quite interesting. Everyone was very reserved and kept to themselves to the point I thought they were rude. But, they are not. This was just the culture here. I accepted this once one of my advisors mentioned to me, “Everyone secretly hates themselves and they’re depressed because of it.” His words, not mine.

There were also unforgettable moments. On my third day, I visited Big Ben and the Buckingham palace. I also went to Piccadilly Circus and Chinatown. Couldn’t afford nothing but to eat. Dim Sum and Korean food in Central London was amazing. My first groceries were some eggs, onions, bread, and a head of broccoli. I didn’t even have water. I also met the nicest local owners of a Lebanese cuisine whom I occasionally say hello to. I bonded well with my flatmates. I also found out I live about five minutes away from a river that I could take a walk or light jog at everyday. Then, I joined the gym and I felt like life was getting better.

I miss my family, incredibly. I miss my Hmong community. I miss tacos and pho. I miss my friends. I miss everyone and everything I’ve ever known, so dearly.

By now, you’re probably wondering as you’re reading, “Why would you go out that far?”

When I was young, I dreamt of embodying opportunities that’d take me to places I’d never seen before.

To live with purpose is to live with pain.

To obtain greatness is to challenge the self.

To discover the world is to seek after knowledge.

I wanted to see how far I can go in new territory. Can I overcome the hardships? Can I conquer comfort? Can I learn and bring something valuable back to my own community? Surely, it’s not the best experience ever. But when I look back, I’m going to have a story to tell.